How did I get here?


Every so often I find myself pondering certain words or phrases that have become the norm in my vocabulary. Like the use of the word “choo-choo” rather than the common term train- which suited me just fine for 30 plus years of my life. Or the fact that I refer to myself in the third person. “Please go get your shoes for Mommy.” Why and how did that ever happen?

But even more disturbing than those is the use of phrases like “girls’ nights” when referring to a night out with friends. For some reason, those words make me cringe (as much as they are music to my ears at the same time). Girls’ night. What does that even mean? And why does it have a designated title to it. Did it used to have a special name when I was a single girl living in Los Angeles? No, I’m pretty sure it was just called “going out” and happened to be with friends who were girls. And it probably wasn’t scheduled out days or weeks in advance.

What happened to us. Over time we morphed into these different creatures whose priorities (and vocabularies) shifted in dramatic ways. Yes, I realize this is called parenting. But as I sit here typing this at 5:30am, after a 4:30 wakeup call by my son – I’m asking myself, how did I get here?

My little guy just can’t seem to adjust to the time change that happened 3 weeks ago. He has been waking at ungodly hours every single day. I am not a morning person. I reiterate: I am not a morning person. But now, I find myself rejoicing on the days he “sleeps in” until 5:30. I feel like I can do anything on those days – I can take on the world because I slept til 5:30….WHAT?! Never mind the fact that I was asleep by 8pm the night before.

How, oh how, did I get here. This parenting journey is so unpredictable. I can’t say it enough. And somehow I think that these will be the easy days. I bet that when they’re teens I’ll be wishing for the days when they were small children waking at 5am. I know that each day is precious and I should be living in the present  – and I am. But I also think there’s nothing wrong with being human and sitting in the thick of it, wondering how I got here. And hoping and praying for better – or at least later – days.


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