Each year in January, my girlfriends and I go away for two days and reconnect. We discuss our prior year and set goals for the New Year. We each ask God for a word to guide us through the upcoming year. I am always blown away by my word and how spot on it is for my journey that follows. So as we enter the fourth quarter of the year, I wanted to break down how my word has guided me so far. But first, a history of my past words:
My word for 2015 was “believe.”
My word for 2016 was “free.”
My word for 2017 was “light.”
I was really surprised my word was “light” when I first received it back in January. But over the year, its meaning has slowly unfolded. I feel like it’s helped me to remain in the light when things feel hard and I want to slip into the darkness. I am reminded to stay conscious and present and to be mindful of where my thoughts are running off to.
And the duality of my word is beautiful. I’ve mostly seen my word as being a light bearer and a light seeker, But I’ve also seen “light” as lightening the load I bear on a daily basis. On letting go of the thoughts and feelings that don’t serve me. This is hard for me. Harder than anyone knows. My thoughts have the tendency to go negative in the blink of an eye. And living “lighter” means hands wide open, turned towards the sky. Empty handed, ready to receive what God has for me.
It makes sense looking back how I first had to “believe” with all my heart that change was possible. What a year that was. I was truly fighting an uphill battle. I have many childhood triggers I’m constantly working through as they come up. Processing my feelings is part of the work I do to be conscious with my family.
The word “free” was a relief in many ways for me. After such a hard year, I felt I was a butterfly finishing its transformation and flying off into the world. Of course, I still feel stuck oftentimes. And that is where “light” comes in. To remind me that this journey of life is anything but easy. But it can be whatever I want it to be. I can come into the light any time I choose. I can stay in the light. It’s that simple. When I want to fade away to blackness or just shut out the noise, I am reminded my job is to be light – to my kids and to my family and friends.
It’s no coincidence 2017 was the year of the total solar eclipse. My friend posted a picture of the moon blocking the sun with this caption and it so moved me: “The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.”
The darkness does not have a hold on me. I believe it and I am grateful to see the light. I am so excited to find out my word for 2018.