The Hard Days

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You know those days where you are so utterly exhausted as a parent because everything seemed to work against you from the moment you woke up? I had one of those not too long ago (chances are good it was a Monday). I don’t even remember the details of the day except it’s likely the morning began in the 4 or 5’oclock hour, which happens oftentimes with my youngest. I’m sure the rest of the day involved an argumentative 5-year-old, siblings fighting over every little thing, errands that needed run, and maybe a sickness or two. I honestly can’t even recall. But I do know it was one of those nights where my husband had an event that would go past bedtime. So I was on my own with the kids and the day seemed to last an eternity.

When it was finally time for my son’s bedtime, I was rocking him and couldn’t help but go over the day’s events in my head, questioning where and why it went downhill. I try to keep a positive mindset, but this day had me feeling defeated. All I wanted was for my kids to sleep so that I could go to bed and have a do-over. Alone in my thoughts, I heard my son’s sweet little voice say, “Mom, do you want to sing a song with me?”

And just like that, I was choking back tears. Who was this tiny person who held the key to my heart and knew how to send it into melting mode in the blink of an eye. How was it that he knew the exact words to say to make it all better? And so we sang ‘The Wheels on the Bus’ together in the dark, quiet room. As we sang each verse, I honestly felt that my heart couldn’t contain any more love if it tried. And it affirmed to me something I already knew deep down inside: that these are the moments I will remember years from now. Our voices in harmony, a mother/child connection so strong that it breaks down walls in an instant. One minute I was cursing the awful day in my head and the next minute, nothing else in the world mattered except for singing and love. I put him down for bed with a newfound appreciation for the day.

This is honestly the most inexplainable thing about parenting. The hard is so, so, so hard. SO hard. And then the good is so, so, so good it is beyond anything I’ve ever experienced. It is like a burst of every good feeling I have ever felt in my entire life all wrapped up into one bubbling emotion. And the beauty of it is that it can come on in an instant like it did in that quiet room at bedtime.

Those are the moments that make all of the hard worth it.

Thinking back to that night just a few short weeks ago makes me cry. I love being their mama. Thank you, God, for choosing me. Thank you for teaching me so much through them. I love how quick they are to forgive and forget (to each other and to me), and how they continually find light in the midst of darkness. I love how they point out airplanes and flowers and get excited about cement mixers and workers. I’m too busy in my thoughts and my to-do lists to take the time to notice like they do. They teach me to slow down, to appreciate the small moments, and most of all, to sing at the end of a hard day.

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